Reports of Mass Shooting During Brexit Talks
Early reports indicate that a mass shooting has occurred during Brexit talks hosted by Chief EU negotiator Michel Barnier.
The incident is believed to have occurred when the Irish Minister for Foreign Affairs, Simon Coveney, entered the meeting room while David Davis, Boris Johnson, Olly Robbins and Jacob Rees-Mogg were each presenting different proposals around the Irish border issue.
It is believed the presentation had reached the performative dance section when Mr. Coveney opened fire on each of the border proposals in remorseless fashion. None of the proposals are believed to have survived the attack.
Moments after the shooting, Mr. Coveney was seen lighting a joint, climbing his ministerial car and dancing rhythmically.
At the time of writing, Mr. Coveney was reportedly being chased down a dark alleyway by a myopic pack of Brexiteers. Meanwhile, Mr. Rees-Mogg was performing CPR on the "max fac" proposal while encouraging Mr. Barnier to allow the clearly deceased victim some time to recover.